I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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