im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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