so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
