Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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