Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
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shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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