Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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