she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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