dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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