Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
