Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
