We won't sleep together?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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