Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
