OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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