In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
