I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
