I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
