So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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