Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
wow bdsm is so cute
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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