I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sext me about skeletons
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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