i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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