Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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