I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
