Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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