she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
