Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
