my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
