i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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