I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
