I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.