Cold hands, warm shart.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza