PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
