just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
