Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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