then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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