Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
