I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
