dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
