wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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