I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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