i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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