So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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