This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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