yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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