I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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