his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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