I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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