At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
