you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
