Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
