so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
