Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
