Betty ford says i'm here all night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
