it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
