i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
