just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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