So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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