Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
