Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
