i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
