I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
