I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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