Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i out mim tonsoeep
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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