went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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