You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
