If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
