I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
