my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your penis caused this!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
