This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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