she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
