i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
