so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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