i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
