so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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