I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We're too hungover to prance.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
